Extent Software Inc. Convinced This Will "Lubricate Communication in our Enterprise"

14 October 2001, 17:32 GMT

"Times are hard," ESI CTO Larry Extant explains, "and in the light of this new recession, we felt the need to improve the flow of intra-company communication."

Says Extant: "Unlike in the old days, when employees had to make the effort to pick up a telephone, dial a number, and actually speak to people, or - worse still - physically organise meetings and things just in order to have a discussion and share information - unlike those dark and trying times, our shiny new newsgroup server heralds a new dawn of lightning-fast, ultra-efficient communications flow. In the wake of this new installation, we expect to see profits skyrocket!"

However, deep in the trenches of Extent Software, the reality appears to be rather different. Employees, initially keen on the new system, are beginning to resent the newsgroup setup rather than embrace it wholeheartedly.

In fact, what started out briefly as a well-oiled communications machine used by almost everyone in the company, has quickly degenerated into an entropic chaos pit ruled by a small minority of outspoken individuals.

Even worse, imposed reliance on the newsgroup system, coupled with its swift and sudden decline in usefulness, has resulted in a serious decline in productivity - and a serious increase in endless message threads bickering about semantics (totally unrelated to the original message), taking offense ("you wound me with your snyde remarks, you verbal cut and thruster"), and generally passing the time of day.

For example:

Little Savings Can Add Up
Please try to cut down on unneccessary colour printing. Colour printing costs 20p per page; if possible, use b&w on the 1st floor Lanier printer, which costs just 0.1p per page.
--Thanks, Bill.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 2 of 320)
Bill, I question your economics. Can colour printing really cost as much as you suggest? What basis do you have for this claim? Can b&w printing really cost as little as you claim? I think you need to get your facts straight before you go charging in making unjustified accusations.
Regards, Tim.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 3 of 320)
Tim, I think you are missing the point. All I'm saying is just try to be careful with your printing. Be economical. Don't waste resources. That's all!
--Thanks, Bill.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 4 of 320)
Bill, I have to say I agree with Tim. It's one thing to suggest an economical use of print resources, but to try to slip it under our noses with false statistics just cheapens the whole message, and quite frankly stinks. I for one will continue to use the colour printer for all my day-to-day printing - it's on the same floor as me, it's convenient, and I don't need your snyde insinuations telling me that I am being in some way wasteful.
--Sam.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 5 of 320)
Bill, Tim, Sam - I'm very much on Sam's side with this one. I disagree with Tim's point about economics though. The colour printer is costlier. Get over it. But it produces better output. If I want to produce quality copy for our customers, I feel that I should be allowed to do so without justifying my very existence to Lord Bill over there.
cya, Andy.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 6 of 320)
<sigh>. Andy, I'm not suggesting for a minute that you should STOP USING the colour printer!! All I'm saying is, try and use it wisely. Now can we PLEASE move on and get some real work done?? Sheesh.
--Thanks, Bill.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 7 of 320)
Bill, you wound me with your grievous remarks. Of course I use the printer "wisely". You appear to be insinuating that I am in some way stupid, that I am
incapable of using a printer without referring to its instruction manual every time, or that I would in some way be incapable of changing the toner cartridge should I need to. I refute all these implied digs at my character. For me at least, this thread is closed.
cya, Andy.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 8 of 320)
Bill, "sheesh" is not a real word. I suggest you use any printing money saved to buy yourself a new dictionary. Dumbass.
-Larry.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 9 of 320)
Andy, I don't think Bill was saying any of those things. He was just saying that Lanier produce much better printers than Hewlett Packard. You need to try and relax a bit!
--Sam.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 10 of 320)
Well I wasn't going to post any more messages on this thread, but I really take to task Bill's point about Lanier. I think HP have produced quality printers for much, much longer than their competitors. You look in any high street computer store, you'll see rows upon rows of HP printers, and maybe one Lanier if you're real lucky. Bill simply exposes his lack of credibility to us in making these bizarre accusations.
cya, Andy.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 11 of 320)
Err guys, I never said ANY of these things! Please just let's agree to differ on whatever it is this argument is actually about, and move on. MOVE ON!
--Thanks, Bill.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 12 of 320)
So Bill is trying to evade his responsibility? <chortle> I for one think he should be taken to task for just making these outrageous comments, and then running away denying everything. :-((
--Sam.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 13 of 320)
Actually "sheesh" is a real word. It's slang. Dumbass is not. There is no such word as dumbass - slang or otherwise.
rgds, Skeezer.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 14 of 320)
You're all wrong. IBM make the best printers. Period.
-Hilda.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 15 of 320)
That may be true, but HP definitely make the best toasters.
rgds, Skeezer.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 16 of 320)
No, HP make the best scanners. NOT the best toasters. Dumbass.
-Larry.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 17 of 320)
I agree with Sam. Dumbass is not a real word. You are probably thinking of "dumbarse", which would be entirely correct.
-Hilda.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 18 of 320)
Actually it was me that said that, not Sam. But thanks!
rgds, Skeezer.

re: Little Savings Can Add Up (message 19 of 320)
No, it was definitely Sam that said it. Not Skeezer. Sheesh, you guys are all such dumbarses. Dumbass.
-Larry.

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