More commonly known for its topless dancing and mud wrestling between rampant female opponents, and wild nights out for all the family, on the 27th April this year, the Gala Club instead played host to over one hundred and fifty large-torsoed, brow-mopping managers.

And it was in the opening speech, held by European Managers Organisation President Terry Snickers, that the shock news was announced: despite stories to the contrary, mostly propagating on this website, all IT managers, without exception, are "frankly awesome and a bunch of kick-ass dudes".

Snickers also asserted that the allegation that about 50% of all managers are below average, was "frankly ridiculous and patently untrue".

The speech was delivered in an awkward, staccato fashion, as Snickers was interrupted every few seconds to the electronic sounds of "Flight of the Bumblebee", "X-Files Theme", "Camp Batman Theme" and of course the esteemed "Pink Panther" theme, as mobile phones continually rang off around the auditorium.

Despite these rude and incessant interruptions, an increasingly irritated Snickers managed to complete his speech, and concluded by saying that "just to make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet, I would like to state categorically that without exception, all IT managers are top-notch grade-A success-mongers, and if given the chance could do all the programming themselves, they just don't have the time right now."

The speech was concluded with an unrehearsed but remarkably well timed crescendo of PalmPilot alarms, all set to maximum volume, shouting: "Bee-booo! Bee-booo! Bee-booo!" in unison, all around the crowded hall. Chaos ensued, as everyone stood up and stampeded for the toilets ready for their regular 11am pebble-dash events.

Near the back of the hall, a Unified Crowd Behaviour expert was seen to thoughtfully scribble "herd psychosis" into his old-fashioned paper notebook.

In the course of his speech, Snickers refuted many claims set forth by this website. For example:

Bad Managers Site: "Not all managers are bad, but some are."
Snickers: "You know, I take great offense to this insinuation that all my fellow managers are incompetent. It takes a certain type of mind to paint such a negative picture of the industry. Granted, this industry is in a sorry state, with late, bug-ridden projects, but this is really the fault of negative feedback from sites such as Bad Managers, NOT the inability of project managers to listen and act on what they are being told!"

Bad Managers Site: "Most projects are delivered late and over budget. It isn't just the managers' fault, but too often they refuse to share the creation of project plans with the technical staff - after all, who else but the programmers really know how long a program will take to write?"
Snickers: "Look, I ran over my pet chihuahua this morning. I don't think I should be expected to adequately refute all these points, do you? And you at the back, either answer your phone or switch the bloody thing off! Don't just sit there staring at it, hoping it will sort itself out, okay?"

Bad Managers Site: "Project managers should trust their staff a bit more, and keep their own job entirely non-technical. Nothing kills morale like a non-technical manager who sticks his oar into the software design."
Snickers: "You know, I take great offense to this insinuation that all my fellow managers are non-technical. I for one will continue to instruct my programming staff in all matters. None of them can be trusted to think for themselves, that's why we have project managers to behave condescendingly towards them."

In conclusion, the Bad Managers site would like to thank the European Managers Organisation for correcting us in these matters, especially now that they have officially stated that all project managers are capable, attentive individuals. In particular, we previously had no idea that if you diss one manager then you are effectively dissing them all!

From now on, any acts of bad management that we report will be suitably glossed over so that the manager involved can safely continue to blame anyone or anything but his/herself for their failed project(s)...

Industry Feedback:

Here is just some of the massive amount of feedback we have been getting from industry insiders around the world:

Jane Willy, Project Manager Pi SoftCo, Grimsby:
"Well, all I can really say is thank the stars we have finally had the recognition we deserve. This is a big weight off my shoulders, I can tell you. I personally have worked on almost twenty large-scale software projects, all for blue-chip clients, and quite frankly every single one of them was a failure: over budget, over schedule, vital financial deadlines missed, mostly a mass of bug-riddled chaos. I am so relieved that the Euro Managers Organisation have officially asserted that this could not possibly have been my fault."

Jan Hammer, Project Manager EDX, Texas:
"All managers are not to blame!"

TALKBACK TO THE MILL:

Let your fellow Millers know what you think of this story. Talkback here:

David Banner, Texas:
Yeah good for MS, they winn again. MS rocks arse, Java sux big-time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stan Volvo, Connecticut:
Mak do wid manager to blame, yeah!!!!!!! Me do programmi from gov-run coarse. I fail over and over, den finally say what the heck, I just put any crap on my resume, an get a job anyway!!!!!!!!!!! I sail thru de interview, no heck, dey jus like me, an right now I workin on big military contrac. Yeah, future of dis country segurity id in my hands!!!!!!!!!!!! This job kick arse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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