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Everyone hates them,
everybody uses them. Of course the smiley's biggest advantage is that
you can hit someone with the biggest insult dredged out of the deepest,
nastiest recess of your diseased mind ;o), and just follow it with a
little smiley, and it's all okay.
The recipient will force
a laugh, as he/she would hate to think of herself as having zero sense
of humour. Try it today! Try it on your colleagues, on your boss(es),
on your customers - you can call them a fat-arsed, tree-hugging hippy
with a half-decomposed squirrel for a brain ;o) - with absolutely no
dire consequences!!
NB: It is vital to use the
"winking smiley", preferably with the large nose, i.e. ;o).
The slit-nose ;-) strikes some folk as sinister, and increases the chances
of angering your reader by 50% (or a massive 88% for Australians)*
Here are some real-life examples
that have been proven to give their reader deep offense, but they're
not sure why - 'cos it's humorous, right..? Just pop these in an email
to your least favourite coworker and/or customer, and watch (or imagine)
their puzzled frown deepen:
- Hey poo-breath
;o) is that report ready yet??
- Hey Bob,
it's nearly lunchtime. Mine's a large one - unlike yours!! ;-)
- Dear Mr
Grunter, Our company has decided we no longer require you as a client,
as we all suspect you of having a suppressed desire to sleep with
small furry rodents ;o) No just kidding!
ps Is that half-million
dollar cheque in the post then?
* Gartner
Group, April 2001
Industry Feedback:
Drake Spoonfed,
Telecommuter, LargeCo Inc, NJ:
"Well this is nice. Of course I work from home, so cannot gauge
my coworkers' reactions, but I can imagine them feeling a bit surprised,
and perhaps a little foolish."
Shaggy, Unemployed
Business Role-Playing Actor, Reading, UK:
"At
last I can tell people what I really think of them, without fear of
dire consequences. What a thrilling sense of power this has given me!
Thank you Rumour Mill, the cheque is in the post."
TALKBACK TO THE MILL:
Let your fellow Millers know
what you think of this story. Talkback here:
The Incredible
Hulk , Virginia:
Yeeeeeee-hawwwww
good for Orcle, they winn again Orcle rock ase MS dudes big-time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Duke Nukem, NY:
Where'd
dem ass-friggin' pig-faced aliens go??
ELSEWHERE - TENUOUSLY RELATED
STORIES & SITES:
Smiley
Land
I hate
those f***ing smileys. They're too sad for words, arrgh. But if you
want a nice cuddly story about Smileys, go here. Beware the unsolicited
pop-ups though. Grrr.
Smiley
Net magazine
for young peope, or something. Looks horrible - really cool, yeeah.
I don't even understand it - must be kids these days, they have a language
all of their own.
Carol
Smiley
She is
so very smiley. And annoying.
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