From Our Trainee News Troll: The souped-up, cut-down "gamer's PC" from Microsoft promises to lure in a new generation of console gamers. However there is something missing - several things in fact: a keyboard, a mouse, a proper operating system, hi-res monitor, Winsock, upgradeable parts, and business software.

Following the X-Box's release, all these things will follow (including ports of both Linux and Windows ME). These add-ons will be sold at vastly inflated prices, meaning that X-Box can be made to be just like a PC, at about four times the price.

An undisclosed source reported that at Bill Gates' recommendation, the Labour-run British Government are planning to spend millions of pounds "upgrading" all their thousands of dusty, ageing PCs to shiny new X-Box games consoles, with enough extras plugged in to allow them to be used as business machines. Each "business console" will also be equipped with a $500 dongle that prevents it from running either games or Java. If any attempt is made to remove the dongle, a small explosives charge will be triggered, which (it is reported) will cause "charred faces, swept-back hair and surprised expressions, just like in those old ScoobyDoo cartoons".

"I am very pleased by this news," a spokesperson for the British government announced last Thursday. "This deal constitutes a new dawn of Anglo-Microsoft relations."

John Larks, Web Designer, UK:
"What an amazing idea - a games system that is also a PC. Why didn't anyone think of this before?"

Mary Lacksluck, Failed Author, Reading, UK:
"I will certainly be buying one. Saves having to buy an entire PC just to do some word processing."

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