83-year-old George Swanster, a retired minister, had recently been bought one of those new personal PC computer things, complete with its own socket that plugs into the wall for getting onto the Inter-web.

Mr Swanster tends to his flock, a few years back

Mr Swanster proceeded to find out all about newsgroups - or "newsgropes" as he jokingly called them, after accidently stumbling onto alt.sex.fumbleBlindlyInTheDark just five minutes after logging on for the first time. He proceeded to flood the newsgroup with complaints about the modern world that we live in, and postulated that it must be the Inter-web and "goggle boxes" that have caused all this violence and teenage dysfunctional behaviour.

When his ISP's newsgroup server ejected him for flooding it with socially responsible messages, Mr Swanster swiftly hacked into the server, utilising a little-known Solaris security hole to take control of the server and replace all its message bodies with anti-ageist propaganda.

The ISP's technical director was quoted as saying: "This was particularly surprising, as our newsgroup server uses Windows 2000." Spurred on by what he described as "beginner's luck", Mr Swanster used his newly acquired newsgroup server as the springboard for a massive denial-of-service attack against microsoft.com.

"If only I had discovered computers years ago," Mr Swanster laughed, sucking on a nice piece of shortbread. "I think I'm a natural!"

Toby Jugg, Junior Programmer, Chiswick, UK:
"I'm glad to see oldsters like Mr Swanster getting onto the web at such a late age. He should come and work where I am, I'm sure there would be a job opening. In fact I will ask our CEO Mr Griffiths if it would be possible. I have written to Mr Swanster inviting him here, but have not received a reply yet. I'm sure he's just forgotten to reply - I'll write again in a day or two."

Lana Ricard, Unemployed dotcommer, NY:
"Mr Swanster's move is to be applauded. The more 'newbies' we can get onto the web, the sooner I can get my job and share options back."

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